7. Me

I want someone to love me for me. Not just the fake joking me that I put on for people. I mean the real me. Even with the sadness. Just me. I want someone to make me happy. Just by making me laugh and smile. Not just cause they want to hook up. I want people to know me.

6. Truth about me

Truth: I have the lowest self esteem of anyone I know. My mind is a mess, I hate myself, and nothing ever goes right. I may seem confident and sure of myself but it is all just an act. I feel so uncomfortable with every word I say and everything I do. I look in the mirror and I see a person that I never wanted to be. I don't want to stand out. I would rather have no one then be uncomfortable with who I am with. I am closed off because I am so sick of being hurt. I hate it. I hate it more than anyone will ever know. I want to be the kinda person who is the life of the party, who's friends with everyone, and who does not make everything affect me. Why do I get sick when ever I am around people?.... Let me tell you why. Because I hate myself! I don't wanna mess things up. All my stupid anxiousness about all of the stupid little things makes everything so much worse. I want to be a different person. Confident, pretty, and important. Not just the replacement.

5. Help

Don't you see that I'm hurting? Don't you see that I am dying inside? All I want to do is run away and never look back. No one would care, no one would even notice. Everyone is so worried about how they are feeling that they never stop to think how others would feel. People walk straight by. Never lock eyes. Never exchange smiles. Never show that they care. You say you love me? But how could you if you don't even understand me. You don't even know who I am. We need a change. We need to love.

4. Self Image

Why can't we see the beauty that others see? Why do we only see the small imperfections? Why do we focus on the numbers and not the soul? 

People say that you are pretty/gorgeous/hot. Why can't you just see it? 

People love you! People are so blessed to have you in their life. When they see you they don't see that little chub that you wish wasn't there. Or the little thing that no one even mentions. 

The models, the airbrushing, the thoughts that if this wasn't there, or if i didn't have this then someone will love me. If you are uncomfortable eat healthy, exercise, and try to see what others see. Cause you are beautiful. Don't let the jealous bitches tell you otherwise. 

3. Trust

Trust, for me is the hardest thing to do. After being let down so many times it seems pointless. How many times can you give out second chances? You give all you are to someone, you tell them the secrets that consume you, you let them see the real you. But in the end, it is all for nothing. You try to rebuild the relationship you had but it will never be the same. There's a piece missing. The piece that was taken away when the trust was.
You tell yourself it wont happen again. That this time it will be different. But will it?
"Sometimes you can hurt yourself more by trying to keep yourself from being hurt."
Sometimes if you just open yourself up. Let them in fully. It will change. They will understand. You never know unless you really try. Forget what happened in the past, and have hope for the future. 

2. Mind Fuck

Why do we let our minds determine what we can or can't do? Why do we let ourselves be depressed and unhappy with the wonderful life we have? The way we live, is not how we should have to. Being bogged down by petty gossip, mean words, fake friends, cheaters or back-stabbers is not how we should have to live. Depression is a disease. You think that you have such fine limits, you think that you are not good enough, that the people surrounding you aren't good enough, that you will NEVER be happy. open you eyes. See who you really are. You don't need the people who hold you back. You don't need
to be defined by others opinions. You are "who you are" and you are blessed and an incredible person. You were designed. There is a reason why you are here. And there IS hope for your future. There is so much more to life than high-school. See the beauty all around you. Look in the mirror and instead of seeing the insecurities see the real you. The one that others think is worth loving.

1. Heartbreak

"I really didn't want to hurt you"
"We are just better off as friends"
"There's someone else"
"She just makes me happy"
"I love you but..."
Fights, drama, cheating, lies, trust, hurt, blame. high-school.
It always starts out so well. The gentle hesitations. Hope for the future. Feelings that gives you butterflies. Anticipation of what is to come. "The honeymoon stage". Then comes the little quarrels, the jealousy, the regrets, the disappointments. Then finally the end.
But is it really the end?
The feelings linger, the regrets continue to pour in, the "what if this wouldn't have happened", or the "if I just would have done this one thing", the fights, the things you didn't say & the things you wish you would have said, the dirty looks, the sadness, the loneliness.
He is always the guy you never saw coming, the light through all the darkness, the little smile you need to get you through the day.
And then it is all gone.
You feel weird when you see him, you started out strangers, and you have now returned to be the same.
You know it is for the best because no one should make you feel the way you do. But yet there is still a glimmer of hope whispering in your ear saying that it will all return back to the way things were. But it won't, and it can't.
The continual cycle of heartbreak.